Went on a Melancholy of Haruhi anime marathon last weekend, and I came across this little recollection by Haruhi, which I can’t help but find it similar to what I had thought about many times when I was younger:
Say. Have you ever realized how insignificant your existence is on this planet?
I have. It’s something that I’ll never forget.
During elementary school, when I was in sixth grade, the whole family went to watch a baseball game at the stadium. I wasn’t particularly interested in baseball, but I was shocked once we got there.
There were people everywhere I looked.
The ones on the other side of the stadium looked like squirming grains of rice all packed together. I wondered if every last person in Japan had gathered in this place.
And so, I asked my dad, exactly how many people were in the stadium? His answer was that a sold-out game meant around fifty-thousand people.
After the game, the path to the station was flooded with people. The sight stunned me. So many people around me, yet they only made a fraction of the people in Japan.
Once I got home, I got a calculator and did the math. We learned that the Japanese population was a hundred million and some in social studies. Divide fifty thousand into that, and you only get two-thousandth.
I was stunned again.
Not only was I just one little person in that sea of people in that stadium, but that sea of people was merely a drop in the ocean.
I had thought myself to be a special person up until that point.
I enjoyed being with my family, and most of all, I thought that my class in my school had the most interesting people in the world.
But, that was when I realized it wasn’t like that. The things that happened in what I believed to be the most enjoyable class in the world could be found happening in any school in Japan. Everyone in Japan would find them to be ordinary occurances.
Once I realized this, I suddenly found that my surroundings were beginning to lose their colour.
Brush my teeth and go to sleep at night.
Wake up and eat breakfast in the morning.People do those everywhere.
When I realized that everyone did all these things on a daily basis, everything started to feel so boring. And if there were so many people in the world, there had to be someone living an interesting life that wasn’t ordinary.
I was sure of it.
Why wasn’t that person me?
That’s all I could think about until I graduated from elementary school. And in the process, I realized something: Nothing fun will happen if you sit around waiting. So I figured I would change myself in middle school. Let the world know that I wasn’t a girl content with sitting around and waiting. And I conducted myself accordingly.
But in the end, nothing ever happened.
Before I knew it, I was in high school. I thought something would have changed.
…
Till the next time, it’s me, woonie, signing off.
