I’m like, quite sad la. My dad delayed his decision to give me permission to invite people over to watch the euro 08 finals. By the time he made his decision, someone else beat me to it. And made sure there was no space left for me anyone else to join.
I dunno how to feel about this. Should I just count myself unlucky, or should I wonder why I wasn’t invited in the first place?
So in about half an hour I would be watching the match alone. Maybe my dad would join me; I do enjoy watching football matches with him, but it’s not quite the same, you see.
Perhaps, I’m not close enough to specific people, that I try to make more friends instead of making closer friends. I know many people, but it seems I have not made so much of an impact on anyone. So what if you know many people? So what if you have hundreds of people on your MSN contacts, or your facebook? If you haven’t made much of a (positive) impact on anyone, then you won’t be noticed. No one would think of inviting you over to any of their activities.
My pleas are being ignored.
Maybe all these insecurities were a result of something my P6 form teacher said to me at the end of the year, after PSLE: “The Australia trip is too full, and I’ve decided to take you out of the trip because you won’t have any friends there anyway.” I didn’t show it right then, but that was the ultimate blow after 3 years of being ostracized by most of the hpps gep people in my batch, not to mention the express people, who generally dislike the geppers.
I thought secondary school would allow me to make a fresh start, but my bad habits made sure I would be generally disliked for the next 4 years.
And now, JC. I made a bigger effort to let others have a good impression of myself. But still, it’s all in vain. I couldn’t correct my bad habits, and learnt a few new ones along the way. They are the type of bad habits that let others despise not like you. I get the impression that people think I’m not doing anything about it. Despite that, I want to make this point that I’m still trying really hard to correct them, even if it takes a long time.
Maybe I have been permanently-marked “weirdo” already, and there’s no way I can wash it off.
I still think all my shortcomings are due to one main problem: my lack of self-confidence, fear of failure, that I think I will fail in everything I do. And during times when I actually am quite confident in myself, others would just remind me to lose faith in myself just before I attempt to do something I have never succeeded in before.
To summarize: woonie certainly does not enjoy being left out even though he has much experience of being left out, which is why he has decided that he does not enjoy it. at all.
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Went to the Toy and Comics Convention at Suntec yesterday afternoon, mainly to visit Otto Fong’s booth, where I bought a copy of his latest book. Took photos of several cosplayers, and witnessed darth vader and a storm trooper battling it out on Wii Tennis, which attracted many photographers who are eying the top prize of the Convention’s Photography Competition.
Till the next time, it’s me, woonie, signing off.
June 30, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Woonie! You do know that when I tease you along with the others it’s really not with ill intentions right? Actually I think the rest of them won’t tease you as much (or as you put it, remind you to lose faith in yourself) if you actually let them know how you feel. When you get offended by the teasing, must stand up for yourself!!!
Sorry if I said anything that could hurt you last week when we were with lingxi and raph. And sorry for the other times when I’ve been mean to you, including the times when you didn’t notice/realise.
P.S. It can’t be helped if there are some people who can’t bear with your shortcomings. But remember there are friends who genuinely cares for you and you should treasure them. I know that at least Aaron and Mark really care for you. And there must be many others too. Don’t forget them, and treasure them.
June 30, 2008 at 8:24 pm
hi i think this is the first time im commenting on your blog even though i’ve been “stalking” you online for quite some time.
i cant deny that there’re times when im irritated with you. but then again, there are times when im irritated with others as well. and pls take comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one feeling self-conscious. i guess this is really a general problem amongst teenagers.
honestly i dun think im a very nice person either, and im sure there’re people who dislike me. in fact, the most popular person may not be as well like as you think he/she is. i think human relationships are painful at times but i suppose that’s the beauty of it.
i think a general rj student character is that we dun really care about each other’s feelings anymore. im sorry if i’ve ever neglected about your feelings. but i guess we can all improve, maybe not to the perfect friend/buddy, but we can all become better persons.
June 30, 2008 at 8:46 pm
hi i think this is the first time im commenting on your blog even though i’ve been “stalking” you online for quite some time.
i cant deny that there’re times when im irritated with you. but then again, there are times when im irritated with others as well. honestly i dun think im a very nice person either, and im sure there’re people who dislike me. however, i also know that there’re times when im a good friend. maybe not to everyone and there’re times when i really enjoy myself with your company. and pls take comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one feeling self-conscious. i guess this is really a general problem amongst teenagers.
in fact, the most popular person may not be as well like as you think he/she is. i think human relationships are painful at times but i suppose that’s the beauty of it.
i think rj students generally are not very sensitive. maybe we should be more frank about our feelings or more observant of each other. im sorry if i’ve ever neglected about your feelings. but i guess we can all improve, maybe not to the the extent that we become perfect friend/buddy, but we can all become better persons.
and to tell you something very private, i’ve been ostracised as well. but i also realise that to let others love you, you have to love yourself first. i dun think there’s such thing as pleading/begging between true friends. i guess they gravitate towards you? (i dunno GMM/R2?)
well this is the first time i’ve expressed my true feelings about friendships. i hope i’ve made you feel better because i really dun think of you as badly as you think yourself to be. and like what you said, prejudices are quite difficult to eliminate. i suppose if i were in your position, i would have been ostracised more.